There is a moment when you see those 2 little lines (or if you're wanting no doubt and use a digital pregnancy test a 'x-x weeks pregnant message) when your whole world stops. Time just seems to stand still. And then a new emotion set in, either panic, shock, disbelief, No terror or pure blissful joy.
No matter which one of these you feel they all come with the realisation that you are no longer a 'You' but are a 'We', there are 2 (or more) heartbeats beating within your body. In that moment you are a Mum, your mind is already starting to think about eating better and taking pregnancy vitamins to give your little one all it needs to grow big and strong. If that isn't a sign of a mothers love i don't know what is.
Heartbreakingly, some parents never get to hold their precious baby, never get to kiss their tiny face or breathe in the intoxicating smell that all babies seem to have. Pregnancy loss is something we seem to shy away from talking about but at Today Tomorrow & Always we recognize all of these tiny angels and their parents whom love them like the angels they are.
Miscarriages in 2022 still seem to be a taboo topic to talk about, I have no reason why?
Is it that people don't know what to say?
Is that they know there's nothing they could say that would help the emptiness or fill the huge hole left in the heart of a Mother who never got to hold her baby?
Is it that they fear saying the wrong thing and so decide it's best to say nothing at all?
Maybe all of these are true but silence is even more hurtful.
Here is a list of some things to avoid saying when trying to comfort someone who has experienced a miscarriage.
- "You’re Young, You’ll Have More Babies. You Can Always Try Again."
- "At least you haven’t created your nursery yet."
- "It happens all the time. At least it happened early."
- "At least you weren't that far along"
- "Everything happens for a reason"
- "At least now you know you can get pregnant"
- "At least you stall have your kids"
- "It wasn’t meant to be."
- "You didn't want a baby anyway. Children are a lot of work."
- "God wanted your child in heaven. Your child was too wonderful to be on earth with us. Your child is in a better place now."
- "This is why people wait before they tell anyone they’re pregnant."
- "There was probably something wrong with it anyway."
- "Your miscarriage was so long ago, shouldn’t you be over it by now?"
The comments in this list, while they might be said with nothing but good intentions diminishes a mother's grief and implies she doesn't have to right to feel the way she does. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the loss of a pregnancy. No matter whether at 6 weeks or 6 months, to the Mum holding this little life inside her it makes no difference, to her she lost not only her baby but also the chance of watching that baby grow up. There is also no timeframe on her grief. She will get to a point where she seems like she's doing well and learning how to live her new normal but the pain is still there, she's just carrying it internally.
Having said all of that, this is also just as true when talking to the Dads of these little ones. Men may not break down and cry at a song that comes on the radio or at the sight of every pregnant woman he sees but he is feeling the loss too. He might feel he needs to be strong and taking care of his partner through her trauma and grief which is beautiful but he is still has a whirlwind of emotions and feelings going on within him too.
Also don't get me wrong, when I say Mum and Dad, i use these terms interchangeably and are applicable to same sex couples going through an even harder journey to start, add to or complete their families. I am the mother of a gay son and a bisexual son so am well aware grandchildren from at least one of them depending who they fall in love with will require intervention, judgement and a whole heap of other things. Family is family, it is made of unconditional love not always blood.
No matter the make up of your family, our Pregnancy and Infant Loss range was created out of necessity to honor all of the babies too precious for earth.
Our Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Ribbon charm is made from 925 Sterling Silver and is pave set with pink and blue stones. They are approximately 17mm long and will fit all major brands of bangle or bracelet as well as the option of wearing them on a necklace.
PLEASE NOTE : No DNA can be added to this item.
To get a charm for yourself or a loved one click here to be directed to our Pregnancy and Infant Loss Ribbon Charm